Recently I was helping my ten-year-old granddaughter Kylie work on her school project about how U.S. towns got their names. Some were simple — obviously John named Johnstown; William gave Williamsburg it’s title; we all know it’s sunny in Sunnyside; somebody with a lot of confidence named Superior.
Fearful this was going to be one boring project, after just a few minutes, I found clarity. There seemed to be a common theme — beer! Kylie and I made up this little beer-related story, using the actual names of some of our most colorful cities:
Doug, a craft beer-loving resident of Happyland had a Boring cousin, Handsome Eddy, a real sleeper from Zzyzx, whose drink of choice was Eggnog. While Eddy was a Sleepy Eye-type person who always asked, “Why?”, outgoing Doug was a band Drummer who always asked, “Whynot?” Doug’s favorite place to play was in Beer Bottle Crossing. Eddy was Embarrass[ed] by Doug, who, in turn, thought Eddy was not only Dull, but a Tightwad to boot. Would the two cousins ever see eye to eye? Doug invited Eddy to talk about it.
The guys met at a Halfway House located in Dollar Corner, and, unable to find craft brews, they each decided to order a Bud. Clinking their glasses, Doug said to Eddy, “Hopeyalikit.” Eddy scowled, saying “It tastes like Worms!” It was the worst drink he’d ever had, Bar Nunn. Feeling sad and Cutoff, Doug uttered, “Imalone.”
The boys hit the Jackpot when a devoted member of your favorite Beer of the Month Club happened to overhear Doug’s lament, and passed on info about membership in The Great American Beer Club.
Truth or Consequences: Eddy is still tight, but no longer boring. He is now married to Sweet Lips, who bought him a subscription to The Beer Club! And, when offered a craft beer, his answer is always, “Okay!!”
ASK MR. BEERHEAD: A DOUBTING JEROME LYONS OF GENOA, IL ASKED: “AS KYLIE’S DAD, I WITNESSED THE CREATION OF ‘LEARNING IS FUN.’ BUT CAN YOU VERIFY THOSE ARE THE ACTUAL NAMES OF REAL CITIES?”
Here’s your proof, Ol’ Doubting Daddy: Happyland, CT; Boring, OR; Handsome Eddy, NY; Zzyzx, CA; Eggnog, UT; Sleepy Eye, MN; Why, AZ; Drummer, NH; Whynot, NC; Beer Bottle Crossing, ID; Embarrass, IL; Dull, OH; Tightwad, MO; Halfway House, PA; Dollar Corner, WA; Bud, W. VA; Hopeyalikit, GA; Worms, NV; Bar Nunn, WY; Cutoff, LA; Imalone, WI; Jackpot, NV; Truth or Consequences, NM; Sweet Lips, TN; and Okay, OK.
Now a question for you, Dad: Did you nix including Belchertown, MS and Needmore, FL, or were they forgotten by Accident, MD?
